This is mostly venting/ journaling for my own good, I use this as a journal so don't mind me...
As you all know we were hoping for a job in Arizona & over the last year & a half we have been living with James parents. Well things haven't mapped out so we decided we needed to find our own place. As most of you know I'm really not a fan of "Tree-town" and surrounding areas, so I'm pretty much bummed!! But I also feel that if moving was the right thing for us it would have happened by now. So we are moving up & on & I hope that something better is in store...
So now for the house hunt, as I have posted before we (mostly me) have been scouting houses for the last year. I would love to move to Brigham, Perry, or even Cache Valley which wouldn't make sense for both of us to drive. But I pretty much wish to MOVE ANY WHERE but Northern Box Elder County!! But my kids & hubby don't feel the same so I'm pretty much out voted! :'( I personally love our community & the safeness that I feel here. But (this is no secret) I STRUGGLE with worrying way too much about what others think. So living in a small town really isn't my cup of tea. Everyone always knows your business way better than you do & are always quick to judge, it kinda bugs! I am guilty of doing these same things & part of it I realize is human nature but I try really hard to look from the other side of the fence. Such is life, I guess...
Over the years we have had a few set backs & job changes as "most" people do. Things just aren't like they use to be for us. I am having a really hard time accepting the things that have happened in the past & brought me to this point in my life. I hope & pray that each day will get better & some time soon something good will come from all the trails & "downs" we have had. Sometimes I just have to ask myself WHY? Why isn't life easy? Why do I have to worry so much? Why do I care what others think? Why am I given the trials that I have had? Why isn't life like I thought it would be... fancy cars, big house, no worries, basically why isn't life the fairytale it is pro trade to be? I don't have the answers to these questions & most days I drive myself not to mention my hubby CRAZY asking so many questions wishing I knew!!
All I can do is try to learn from the past & make the future better. :) There are a few things that I can say I have learned....
One... That the most important things in life aren't "things". In the end & when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter how big & fancy your house is, what kind of car you drive & how much $$$ you have. Your FAMILY is the only "thing" that matters. I am still learning this concept, but I do know you can have just has much if not more fun without all of these "things".
Second... In hard times & over the years you find out who your true friends are & what they value in life. In hard times it's normal to vent, that's what friends are for. Don't just give up on that friend help pull them through. Not all people have the same out look on life (religion, faith, morals, etc.), same amount of $$, same trials or hard times. But we are all human & we need to support each other & be there for each other, not try to out do each other. We all have feelings... I feel like I have lost a few really good friends over the years because of these things & it breaks my heart to think that at that time I & they didn't have time to help or listen to each other & just gave up & focused more on "things". I apologize to those friends & hope that I can be that friend that I needed back then to someone in my future...
SORRY I guess I just really needed to get the above off my chest...
Any how back to the house hunt, we have looked @ LOTS of houses over the last few weeks in this good ole valley & so far I only ME haven't found anything that I am totally CRAZY about. But James & the kids have found the PERFECT house for us in Garland!! It was the first house we looked @ with a realtor & it is actually the nicest one we have seen so far. We got offered to rent it through the winter with an option to buy, so we moved into it a few weeks ago. I'm not in love, mostly because it has NO kitchen, it does but it is so small!! And secondly because I struggle with worrying about what others think. Kobe says he was 99 point 99% sure this was the house for us the 1st time we looked @ it. I can't say I feel the same, so we will continue to hunt!! Who knows maybe Kobe will be right & James will be HAPPY!!
Whatever happens in the future, I just have to remember that I HAVE the only "things" that matter & that's my sweet little family...
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